Investment Success Gifts

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Oil explodes from the wishing well.

'Looks like a Ponzi scheme, but you got in early so you should be fine - provided you keep your mouth shut.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

In the Guru District

Butterfly Woman

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

The president's men

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

Mario Draghi

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Guy has framed 'first Yuan'

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

Bullseye!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

My brilliant career

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

You can breed these if the environment is right.

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."