Investment Ninja Gifts

'Wall Street' 'Dip'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Smiling businessman with rising profits

Geeky looking guy looks at incomprehensible mathematical problem: 'And this equation proves beyond doubt that I have wasted my life.'

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

"Dow's up!"

'We appreciate your back of the envelope calculation, Mike. Now put a stamp on the front and send it to somebody who cares.'

"Your repayments start now!"

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

"Is this something that could hold till Monday, Chris?"

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'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

'This investment fund idea looks promising, Harlow, but could you think up a catchier name than 'Ponzi Scheme'?'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'The nice thing about America is, no matter how the economy is doing, you can always blame the Chairman of the Federal Reserve.'

'Our portfolio is not going anywhere. I'm going to add some transportation stocks to the mix to see if that will move our investments along.'

"She's registered at Salomon Smith Barney."

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

"I see your point, but wouldn't it be more fun to spend it while I'm young enough to enjoy it?"

"We've got a new financial advisor. I asked him how to cut down on out of pocket expenses and he said to stop wearing clothes with pockets."

The Day Trader

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

"Tell me more about Armageddon. I think it may have potential as an exchange-traded fund."

'It turns out it wasn't an Internet scam after all. It was just a really bad investment idea.'

We cater to the small investor.

"It's a stealth suit. So I can stay off the boss's radar."