Financial Ninja Gifts

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'How can I possibly save for retirement when you're paying me minimum wage?'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Soaring Profits

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Why markets crash.

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

Saving for College.