Investment Oracle Gifts

Power/Expenditures

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

Day trading.

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

"I warned him not to keep his bitcoins under the mattress."

Wikipedia...

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Smiling businessman with rising profits

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

'You have a balanced investment portfolio. Everything you own is losing money equally.'

"This is Fluffy, my pet money."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

'Next on 'evening shouting match'...is it a bull or bear market?'

Got out of the market too soon; got back in too late.

The Authentic Christmas.

Man leaving 'Wall St, closed-end mutual funds' building with hand full of money.

'The only certainties in life are birth, death, taxes, and stock market uncertainty.'

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

'This investment fund idea looks promising, Harlow, but could you think up a catchier name than 'Ponzi Scheme'?'

'The nice thing about America is, no matter how the economy is doing, you can always blame the Chairman of the Federal Reserve.'

'I am going to recommend a stock that has consistently outperformed the market since Tuesday.'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

"She's registered at Salomon Smith Barney."

The End of the Property Boom is Nigh.

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'The financial advisor is here.'

"He's doing it again, your honor!"

"Stocks closed higher on news the U.S. budget deficit and the universe are expanding, so go with the flow."

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

Hipster Police Department

'This is Adventure Capital! You want Venture Capital two doors down.'

Stock Exchange.