Investment Oracle Gifts

Power/Expenditures

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

Day trading.

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

"I warned him not to keep his bitcoins under the mattress."

Wikipedia...

Smiling businessman with rising profits

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

'You have a balanced investment portfolio. Everything you own is losing money equally.'

"This is Fluffy, my pet money."

'Next on 'evening shouting match'...is it a bull or bear market?'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

The Authentic Christmas.

'The only certainties in life are birth, death, taxes, and stock market uncertainty.'

Got out of the market too soon; got back in too late.

Man leaving 'Wall St, closed-end mutual funds' building with hand full of money.

'This investment fund idea looks promising, Harlow, but could you think up a catchier name than 'Ponzi Scheme'?'

'The nice thing about America is, no matter how the economy is doing, you can always blame the Chairman of the Federal Reserve.'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

'I am going to recommend a stock that has consistently outperformed the market since Tuesday.'

The End of the Property Boom is Nigh.

"She's registered at Salomon Smith Barney."

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

"Stocks closed higher on news the U.S. budget deficit and the universe are expanding, so go with the flow."

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'The financial advisor is here.'

Hipster Police Department

'This is Adventure Capital! You want Venture Capital two doors down.'

'Guide us, oh Webmaster.'

Stock Exchange.