Financial Oracle Gifts

'Looks like the gods are angry.'

'The only certainties in life are birth, death, taxes, and stock market uncertainty.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Annual profits,

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

Saving for College.

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

Wikipedia...

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

'Don't worry dear, I made a bundle shorting your failing financial services company'

"This guy might like fiddling with numbers, Dad – but is he any good at sums?"

"The good news is that profits are up 76%. . . The BAD news is that costs are up 83%."

'Bedtime stories at the Browns'.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

"Before anyone gets too optimistic this is a chart of our corporate indebtedness."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

Investment analyst Renald P. is going to frighten the market.

"The treasury has hacked into his computer and asked for ideas to solve the deficit"

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'