Investigation Aficionado T-Shirts

'What makes you think our office is bugged?'

"Curiosity."

'Ugh. Every single day.'

"I don't do cover ups!"

"Not only pharmaceuticals - we're also finding all sorts of industrial chemicals here."

Ascent of Machine.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Banana Split Personality

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

Never.....teach your dog to fly.

'And the best thing about this electric thermal underwear is, no batteries, it's solar!'

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'Maybe we have the wrong subject for this brain mapping project.'

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'Isn't that a little extreme? - Cloning yourself just so you can use the carpool lane?'

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

ESP pizza: You'll get it before you order it or it's free!

"Why didn't we think of that?"

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Work Here But You Will Be After The Training.

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

Another new, really cool-looking gadget in a desperate search for a problem to solve.

'I wasn't drowning, I was waving!'

'Look - I've got the technology. You've got the power...can we do a deal?'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'