Detective Aficionado T-Shirts

'Damn! The house has been burgled.'

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

ESP pizza: You'll get it before you order it or it's free!

Benjamin Bunny re-writes Beatrix Potter

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

"He's sulking because I always beat him at Clue ... "

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

The Investigation

'Make it look like an accident.'

Ancient Egyptian crime scenes.

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

"I believe this is a case for Sherlock Holmes..."

Crime Writer's Society.

'Can I have your autograph...?'

'Speak.'

"Now calm down Ma'am. If you want to report a murder I'll patch you through to Detective Malone in homicide. This is Sergeant Flanagan....Insecticide!"

'You're experienced with blood stains I trust?' (Smarthy ACME Carpet Cleaners)

"Curiosity."

"You're under arrest for breaking the law of gravity! You have the right to..."

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Cufflinks + Handcuffs = Embezzlement

"I just installed a home security monitor."

'Gee... Nothing says 'I'm dead' like a severed head.'

"As his nanny she would have known about his diabetes and et she gave him spoonfuls, yes spoonfuls, of sugar."