Detective Aficionado Gifts

'Damn! The house has been burgled.'

Having discovered the nanny-cam, Tammy decided to turn the tables on her employers.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

ESP pizza: You'll get it before you order it or it's free!

Benjamin Bunny re-writes Beatrix Potter

"He's sulking because I always beat him at Clue ... "

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

The Investigation

Ancient Egyptian crime scenes.

'Make it look like an accident.'

'Amazing, Holmes! That's the eighth time in a row you've gotten the 'dud'!'

"Now calm down Ma'am. If you want to report a murder I'll patch you through to Detective Malone in homicide. This is Sergeant Flanagan....Insecticide!"

"Curiosity."

Crime Writer's Society.

'Can I have your autograph...?'

'You're experienced with blood stains I trust?' (Smarthy ACME Carpet Cleaners)

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

'Speak.'

"I believe this is a case for Sherlock Holmes..."

"You're under arrest for breaking the law of gravity! You have the right to..."

Cufflinks + Handcuffs = Embezzlement

'Gee... Nothing says 'I'm dead' like a severed head.'