Interviewee Under Pressure Gifts

"Have you ever used a plastic straw?"

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

I'm a self-made man!

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Don't be nervous, relax...he puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like you do. Of course, his pants are tailor made and cost $600 a pair...'

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

"Maybe this isn't the right heartless monolithic corporation for you."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Seriously?"

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

'If I got the job as a sales manager here at Zenadine, I would probably straggle in around 10, then surf the Net for a while, do a crossword...'

Personnel. Now, I want you to forget everything you learned in school. I'm way ahead of you!

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

Now Hiring, 'I was about to ask him if he could work without supervision, when he just wandered away!'

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"Job interview!"

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"We pay the living dead wage."