Nervous Interviewee Gifts

'Don't be nervous, relax...he puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like you do. Of course, his pants are tailor made and cost $600 a pair...'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

I'm a self-made man!

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"I don't know what I'm going to do...my presentation is due on Monday and I haven't even started...I'm not sure I know how to speak."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

'If I got the job as a sales manager here at Zenadine, I would probably straggle in around 10, then surf the Net for a while, do a crossword...'

Personnel. Now, I want you to forget everything you learned in school. I'm way ahead of you!

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"So did you do all your leadership training online?"

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

"I didn't get the job: apparently, burying your head in the sand is not a good project management strategy..."

'And no doubt you'll be pleased to hear, the pay's crap.'

"Have you ever used a plastic straw?"

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

"Can you characterize yourself in five words."

Virtual interview.

"I'm sensing confidence, boldness, and moral sensibility. You're not going to turn out to be a whistleblower, are you?"

'Besides a great smile, do you have any other qualifications we could consider?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'