Interview Champion Gifts

Bob finally catches a break.

"Do you mind if I use your phone to tell all my friends I got the job?"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

Your resume says you were a waiter...