Interviewee Under Pressure Pillows

"Have you ever used a plastic straw?"

I'm a self-made man!

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

'Don't be nervous, relax...he puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like you do. Of course, his pants are tailor made and cost $600 a pair...'

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

"Maybe this isn't the right heartless monolithic corporation for you."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Seriously?"

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

'You're not at all qualified. Thanks for coming in and wasting my time. We'll let you know by the end of the week.'

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

"Job interview!"

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"Ideally, we're looking for someone who can handle change."

"We pay the living dead wage."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."