Joking Interviewer Pillows

"Have you any OTHER questions apart from home soon you qualify to take sick leave?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"Any other skills?"

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"We pay the living dead wage."

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"We don't think you're management material."

'But you got a second interview, that's something.'

'I'm afraid there's be a resume mix up. We meant to call Grim C Reaper.'

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

Bar bouncer resumes.

'Well, thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you.' The search for Big Foot continues.

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

"Now tell me, what do you think you would bring to our company?"

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

"I think that one of my best qualities is my imagination, evidence of which you can interpret from my list of qualifications on pages 3, 4, 6 and eight."

"What's your biggest weakness?"

'Do you see yourself as a team player?'

And you say that's your most noteworthy qualification?