Joking Interviewer Pillows

"Have you any OTHER questions apart from home soon you qualify to take sick leave?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"Any other skills?"

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"We pay the living dead wage."

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"I don't look at it as bouncing from job to job, I'm merely gaining a broad base of experience."

'I'm afraid there's be a resume mix up. We meant to call Grim C Reaper.'

'But you got a second interview, that's something.'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"We don't think you're management material."

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

Bar bouncer resumes.

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

'Well, thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you.' The search for Big Foot continues.

"Now tell me, what do you think you would bring to our company?"

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

"I think that one of my best qualities is my imagination, evidence of which you can interpret from my list of qualifications on pages 3, 4, 6 and eight."

And you say that's your most noteworthy qualification?

'Do you see yourself as a team player?'