Interview Jokester Pillows

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"Under experience, your resume states "out of body." Please explain!"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Twitter for goldfish.'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

Cleaning the Horse

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.

Robot porn.

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

Gang of Musicians

Junior's switch to electronic chewing tobacco was short-lived.

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."