Interview Jokesters Pillows

"You may, of course have to do other tasks not in your job description...how are you with raw sewage?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Any other skills?"

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'