Philosophy Jokester Pillows

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

Leaving cards.

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

"You idiots … we lost!"

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

'But it may be easier to understand the meaning of bioengineered life.'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"Ah - The 'Big Gang' theory."

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

Broad Minded