Philosophy Jokester Pillows

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

Leaving cards.

"You idiots … we lost!"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'But it may be easier to understand the meaning of bioengineered life.'

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"Ah - The 'Big Gang' theory."

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

International Conference on Genetically Modified Crop Development.

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

Broad Minded

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

Dry Hard with a Vengeance