Philosophy Jokers Pillows

'Socrates, you've been drinking again.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

Sartre's E-Mail

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

How do bright women get pregnant?

"Where am I going to find the perfect thesis topic that hasn't been on TikTok already?"

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."

Square root of chicken is egg.

'Granted, Your Honor, he may look like a criminal.'

Calculator Jokes

"There's a fly in my soup."

'Scram! -- I don't endorse candidates!'

Almost Your Time.

European Thinkers (2): 'Surf's up!'

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'

"Our panel of experts include. . .and Dan, who has listened to two different podcasts on this topic."

"I don't like to complain, but he should've created some jobs, too."

I.D. required for admission to Heaven

'According to every religion, I'm going to hell. Except for Hinduism. But that's only because they don't believe in hell.'

Niels Bohr, Albert Einstein and Ernest Rutherford talking shop.

"Look. . . I know that you think I'm a idiot, but I'm not a complete idiot!"

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

Blight at the end of the tunnel

"I hate my gym."

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

The Devil's Workshop

"Next time you hire a futurist, don't hire a good one."

'I'm seeing 37 facebook requests from the afterlife !'