Philosophy Jokers Pillows

'Socrates, you've been drinking again.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

How do bright women get pregnant?

"Where am I going to find the perfect thesis topic that hasn't been on TikTok already?"

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."

Square root of chicken is egg.

Almost Your Time.

European Thinkers (2): 'Surf's up!'

'Granted, Your Honor, he may look like a criminal.'

Calculator Jokes

'Scram! -- I don't endorse candidates!'

"There's a fly in my soup."

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'

"Our panel of experts include. . .and Dan, who has listened to two different podcasts on this topic."

'According to every religion, I'm going to hell. Except for Hinduism. But that's only because they don't believe in hell.'

I.D. required for admission to Heaven

"I don't like to complain, but he should've created some jobs, too."

"I hate my gym."

Blight at the end of the tunnel

"Look. . . I know that you think I'm a idiot, but I'm not a complete idiot!"

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

The Devil's Workshop

"Next time you hire a futurist, don't hire a good one."

"Watch with brother"

'The apple is just a marketing ploy. There's a limo service out of here and free shopping at the mall.'