Interview Humor Pillows

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

"Any other skills?"

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

'We're looking for a consensus-building team player, if that's all right with you.'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"We don't think you're management material."

'I'm afraid there's be a resume mix up. We meant to call Grim C Reaper.'

"Have you any OTHER questions apart from home soon you qualify to take sick leave?"

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

Bar bouncer resumes.

'Well, thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you.' The search for Big Foot continues.

'I know you'll fit in well here. It's written all over your face.'

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

"Now tell me, what do you think you would bring to our company?"

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

"I think that one of my best qualities is my imagination, evidence of which you can interpret from my list of qualifications on pages 3, 4, 6 and eight."

'Do you see yourself as a team player?'

"What's your biggest weakness?"

'We're really looking for an applicant who's got more snip, snail and puppy dog tail.'

"I told the interviewer I was involved in organized crime, because I thought he'd be impressed that I was organized."