Job Interview Humor Pillows

"Congratulations! I think I have just the position for you."

'Do you see yourself as a team player?'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"What's your occupation?"

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

'I'm afraid he's a bit tied up right now'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

New To The Job: Pizza Delivery Guy

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

"Sir, are all these compliments and this reminiscing about my time here leading up to my termination?"

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

Will work for question marks.

Well the good news is that you'll be leading the team...And the BAD news...you ARE the team!

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"And this is our head of HR who will be arranging your contract."

'I told the interviewer that I walked away from a six-figure job. I just left out the part about the security escort.'

'You'd be right for us if we decide to lower our standards.'

'Have you worked at a non-profit before?' 'Yes! and believe it or not, they blamed me!'

"And what makes you think you have the necessary qualities for working on the bins?"

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

"Do you ever feel like you're just here for the paycheck?"

'You do realize that this isn't going to look good on my resume?'

"Sorry, but we're looking for someone with more experience."