Interview Process Analyst Gifts

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

Now Hiring, 'I was about to ask him if he could work without supervision, when he just wandered away!'

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"Job interview!"

'You're not at all qualified. Thanks for coming in and wasting my time. We'll let you know by the end of the week.'

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'