Interview Process Explorer Gifts

I'm a good listener, especially to the voices in my head...

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

I'm a self-made man!

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"We can't actually pay you, but your work will get a lot of exposure."

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"So did you do all your leadership training online?"

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

Lawyers - Man challenging a barrister

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'

"I didn't get the job: apparently, burying your head in the sand is not a good project management strategy..."

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

'What's your usual response to criticism?' - 'Extreme surprise.'

"Let's save some time, shall we?... Yes, no, for about five years, since I was a small boy, yes, I can start on Monday. Thanks, bye."

The Tangents talk it over.

'I'm not really a super hero. I padded my resume.'