Interstellar Tourist Gifts

'They're more advanced than I thought. It only took him five seconds to refold that map.'

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

An astronaut fishes in volcanoes on another planet.

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

An alien in his space ship sees a space sign that says 'You are here'

"I can never understand these foreign crop circles."

"No, you're in the Milky Way galaxy."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"Take me to your mechanic."

'I'm going to Venus. He's going to Mars.'

Blue Origin

* Let's stop here, they seem nice!

"Going to Mars sounded like fun. Do you think we can get dad to finance it?"

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

"What gear are we in, biscuit?"

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'

"Possible exception to Prince William's proposed halt on space travel." proposed halt on space travel."

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

"Hold on - I need to tell the credit card company I'm going on a trip."

'Great job Zork, we're lost... you couldn't find Uranus with both hands and a flashlight!'

"Let's f**k up Mars!"

Christmas on Other Planets.

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

"You are here"

'Sorry, I'm a stranger here myself.'

"Take us to Disneyworld then, if there's time, to your leader."

Woah, This was well worth swapping my flying saucer for!

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

'You just can't win. I'm getting charged a ridiculous service fee, since we're in an outer stellar market, using a non-galaxy ATM machine!'