Space Tourists Gifts

'We're not going to Roswell again, it's such a tourist trap.'

Blue Origin

'Teenagers!'

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

An astronaut fishes in volcanoes on another planet.

"This year we decided to vacation on the 3rd rock."

"I can never understand these foreign crop circles."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

* Let's stop here, they seem nice!

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

"What are you kids going to be for Halloween?"

NASA Special

"Going to Mars sounded like fun. Do you think we can get dad to finance it?"

'Great job Zork, we're lost... you couldn't find Uranus with both hands and a flashlight!'

"Possible exception to Prince William's proposed halt on space travel." proposed halt on space travel."

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

'I'm just here on a lay-over.'

'Sorry, I'm a stranger here myself.'

"AS a matter of fact, yes, you have told me you vacationed on Earth."

"You are here"

"Welcome to Mars. We assume you're all up to date on your vaccinations?"

"I told you to go before we left Aldebaran!"

'Nothing like a Romantic stroll in Saturn's acid rain.'

"You were going 24,998 in a 24,955!"

Intergalactic travel! Chapter 17: Taking the kids along! (ARE WE THERE YET?)

"So much for finding intelligent life on this planet."

"We came to your planet because there are just not enough pickleball courts on our planet."

'The little twerps have me all discombobulated -- I was supposed to start an ice age 100 years ago!'

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"!

Well, those election results certainly surprised me. Me too, little buddy. But that's because when I went to sleep last night, I had a dream … that Robert F. Kennedy had lived, he appointed Carl Sagan as science advisor and head of NASA, Sagan took us to Mars in 1991, and Donald Trump spent the rest of his days founding casinos and selling real estate degrees on the red planet. Meanwhile, in the 2016 election, Martin Luther King Jr. narrowly defeated Sonny Bono. I just meant I'd forgotten we wer

Moon Souvenirs

'I'm sorry but I need my own space.'

"I don’t know why we bother traveling—they just missed the entire Milky Way."

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."