Internet Warrior Gifts

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

Security Check: Please enter the two words below, separated by a space, to prove that you are human.

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

Hackers & Co.: Gone Phishing.

An angry man with his angry keyboard.

Internet security illustration.

"Stop trying to close all the popup windows, John... just come to bed!"

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"I want conventional and nuclear battle plans on my desk. It's time to take this Twitter war to the next level."

"No. the doctor didn't prescribe any medication for my high blood pressure. He just told me to stop trying to win on-line arguments with anti-vaxxers."

"Ms Hathaway, I need to test my mettle. Find someone on social media who thinks they can bully me."

Meta data retention.

Every day Fred had to make sure he was properly prepared for his job as a social media moderator.

"Popup ads have gotten way too aggressive."

"I've downloaded this app that stops internet trolls."

"Enough game requests already!"

"We don't need a digital security guard. Hackers don't actually come to our house."

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

"I don't understand. I hired a security guard to stand here and watch my computer, and someone still hacked into it and stole my data."

I NEVER accept cookies...

"You're not under a deluge of social media abuse? Wow. You must be losing your relevance!"

3 Minutes since you totally overreacted to someone's online post

"It's been nearly twenty minutes since I totally over-reacted to something I read online."

Cybersecurity

"Listen kid, instead of catching these crooks, couldn't I just badmouth the on my website?"

"Thank goodness Facebook is back. For a few hours I had no idea where to direct my rage."

Coffee, jerk! What's the matter? Sadie discovered flaming, i.e. hostile and insulting interaction among internet users. It's been incredible. Who can sleep when you've got endless opportunity to make people feel like crud about themselves?! I also need prescription drugs and steroids. Flaming out.

Sir Lancelot. Sir Rants-A-Lot.

He doesn't breathe fire literally, but he makes up for it with online comments.

My backup business is really taking off. I've had to hire help. You're still backing up strangers in online arguments for $5 a thread? Of course not. Since demand skyrocketed, I upped my fee big time! I'm now charging $5.25 per thread. I'd have gone higher, but that might cause an adaptive paradigm that could open me up to being undercut on the margin by content providers with comparable deliverables. No matter how much jargon you use, you're still selling yourself short. No, I'm just backwards-

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

"Man dude, that's the worst twitter fight I've ever seen."