Internet Survey Skeptics Gifts

'I'm an honest person but when I take an online survey, I'm a big liar.'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Rare Books

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

Coffee. The phrase "where everybody knows your name" used to sound warm and friendly. Now, with all our personal information exposed online, it sounds scary!

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

The other digital divide.

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

Down With Wikipedia

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

Look! This says that space aliens have landed and have taken over control of the earth. Boy that's a load off my mind!

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"Whatever happened to throwing Frisbees around?"

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

"Gramps, you were alive before everyone knew what you were doing on social media... What was that called?" "Bliss!"

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Of course you couldn't be replaced by an app. It would take at least two."

'This app that recommends what I read next works, but it's insulting. It referred me to a gas station restroom wall.'

Curious George, Dad

"My self esteem is low ... how come I never got hacked?"