Intellectual Swine Gifts

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

A day at the transgenic races

The Z Chromosome: Zebratic engineering with questionable results.

"That, believe it or not, is also a mammal."

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Nervous Student

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

Pigs form huddles before taking up starting positions

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

'Don't worry Darling, they're scientists'

"I don't think this is what is meant by Animal Science, but it does take it to a new level!"

Dolly, Twenty Years Later

Cutting down the Brain

"The school district is great and I love the layout - I'm just not sure the mud is gooey enough."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

'No, its not low on toner, Dr Higgins. Just admit you don't know how to clone sheep.'

"I just love what you've done with the place!"

'What's this, lad? Didn't I tell you not to carry anything heavy!'

Looking Daggers

"A spectre is haunting Europe, the spectre of hipsterism."

'She hates to see me happy.'

'I think if we were to pretend to be dumb, they would lose interest in us...'

Is there life after digestion?

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill? I'd like to publish a case report on this one?"

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

"He knows about 40 words, but most of them are for snow."

"You see, your brain is small and mine is bigger, but it can't be much bigger or I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you."