Insurance Sarcasm Lover Gifts

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

'Of course, one advantage to lethal injection is that Medicaid might pay for it.'

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

"No, its not a pre-existing condition."

"You're doing fine, and we're cautiously optimistic about your insurance."

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"

"Have you noticed, our insurance policy has expired?"

Insurance agents in Heaven.

'I'm sorry, but when you took out the policy, you never specified that it was a mobile home.'

'Don't worry. This will hurt your insurance company more than it will hurt you.'

"I'm afraid our healthcare plan only covers the first five litters."