Insurance Sage Gifts

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"I need a holiday that guarantees perfect weather, good beaches and romance!"

Obama Healthcare.

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

Healthy Patients Only

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'