Insurance Sage Prints

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

Corporate Team Building. Team. Hey, everybody, I've just been told our CEO fled the country while we've been doing our truth exercises.

Obama Healthcare.

"I need a holiday that guarantees perfect weather, good beaches and romance!"

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'