Insurance Representative Gifts

"Here's the problem. What we think is a reasonable charge and what the hospital thinks is quite different."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"I need a holiday that guarantees perfect weather, good beaches and romance!"

Obama Healthcare.

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

Healthy Patients Only

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"Sire, they also want dental."