Insurance Agents Gifts

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

"Kids, your mother and I have spent so much money on health insurance this year that instead of vacation we're all going to go in for elective surgery."

"We offer a comprehensive benefits plan that covers everything from minor cuts to nasty scrapes."

'That's how much time your HMO allots for bypass surgery.'

"It's a very good policy - in fact I've got one myself and I feel quite excited about dying."

'Sorry, with this policy you can only get a second opinion from your insurance agent.'

'Mr. Dumont, I'm sure you can understand our reluctance to sell flood insurance to anyone who says they're from a town called 'High River'.'

Things always look worse at 3 'clock in the morning.

Emergency Healthcare.

The most bizarre life form Gyork had ever encountered.

This guy has no heart! Why didn't someone tell me he's an insurance company lobbyist?

'Do you want Gap Insurance?'

"I'm pretty sure my parents' homeowners insurance will cover it."

'Could I sell $99,900 worth of my insurance to someone else?'

'Yes... it's one of ours. Looks like Riley with some minor wing damage.'

'Wow, your expensive health insurance is worth every penny! According to your status, you're entitled to a special single room. Do you prefer the lift shaft or the heating cellar?'

"Any ID aside from dental records?"

'Here at Crowe Maritime Products, we like to let employees choose a health care plan that suits their needs. Now, step right up and spin the wheel.'

"This one also has high copays and high deductibles, but you get unlimited Get Well cards."

"You faked your death once before—how do I know you're not faking it now?"

'You'd better be insured, buddy! -- I just burned my thumb in your stupid French onion soup!'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

"...but your medical insurance, Miss Whitlow, runs only to a placebo"

I can't accept a note from your doctor unless your doctor has a note from your insurance agent.

Yes, we do sell house insurance and life insurance, but I don't think you need both.

Obamaman's Privatized Rescue Service

The Healthcare System is Demented

'Our next panel expert will discuss the new benefits...and needs no further introduction...'

'They say laughter is the best medicine, which is great! That's about all our new health care plan covers now.'

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

"We did all we could for him, Mrs. Donnely... unfortunately, his insurance gave out!"

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'