Medical Insurance Agent Gifts

"We're borrowing the best features of the Canadian system."

'Here he comes to save the day. . .'

Workers & Health Costs

Scamming Swine Flu

I'm sorry, Mr. Fusco, but your medical insurance provider has removed me from your coverage network. However, we can still be friends on Facebook.

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

'You'll never live to regret it!'

'I monitor healthcare coverage changes hot off the wire.'

'I had to co-pay for the bagel.'

New and Improved Caduceus

"Want me to send my nurse in here to tickle you? Laughter is the only medicine you can afford."

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"I need a holiday that guarantees perfect weather, good beaches and romance!"

Obama Healthcare.

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Medical Equipment profit chart.

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.