Health Insurance Agents Gifts

"It's part of our company's new health plan. You don't ever have to leave your desk for the virtual colonoscopy..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"I need a holiday that guarantees perfect weather, good beaches and romance!"

Obama Healthcare.

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

Jesus Christ, Health Insurance CEO

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"Sire, they also want dental."

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"