Insurance Representative Pillows

"Here's the problem. What we think is a reasonable charge and what the hospital thinks is quite different."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"I need a holiday that guarantees perfect weather, good beaches and romance!"

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

Obama Healthcare.

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

Healthy Patients Only

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"Sire, they also want dental."

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.