Insurance Realist Gifts

'Your operation was paid for in full except for our $500 insurance forms processing fee.'

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Good news, Mr. Blume! Your condition isn't serious - just expensive.'

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

"It was love at first sight, but spectacles have improved a lot since then."

'Kids, come quick! Santa's been here and he left all kinds of super expensive, super cheap stuff!'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

'Don't worry, I'll do all I can for you until your health insurance cancels you for getting sick.'

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

'Your insurance only covered the removal of the damaged organ...you'll have to put the transplant in yourself.'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

"Life is full of transitions...like from student loan to credit card debt."

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

'Forget that pension plan. We expect the company to belly-up in two to three years.'

Recovery rooms for surgery and billing.

"Well, then, how about staying together for the sake of our joint checking account?"

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

Second marriage vows.