Insect Gourmet Gifts

"Yes darling, dung beetles are edible, but you need to wash them thoroughly first. Why do you ask?"

"My veganism begins and ends with eating insects."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Too much cilantro

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

'Is this still America?'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"The bagels are better in New York."

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

'Cooking'