Infant Gourmet Gifts

'You have an impressive cellar.'

LAY ZEE FUK

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

To do before Saturday...

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

Too much cilantro

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

The Main Types of Cheese

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Is this still America?'

Holiday Supplies

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Cheese

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'