Mini Gourmet Gifts

"What's not disgusting?"

Child fussy about his food after cookery programmes.

'There! Now all we gotta decide is what we're gonna make!'

"I made this for the kids' table. It's a goose stuffed into a chicken, stuffed into a goose, stuffed into a chicken, stuffed into a goose. It's called 'Goochi Goochi Goo'."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

LAY ZEE FUK

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Too much cilantro

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

To do before Saturday...

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Holiday Supplies

'Is this still America?'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES