Mini Gourmet T-Shirts

"What's not disgusting?"

Child fussy about his food after cookery programmes.

'There! Now all we gotta decide is what we're gonna make!'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

LAY ZEE FUK

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

To do before Saturday...

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

The Main Types of Cheese

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Cheese

'Is this still America?'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."