Miniature Gourmet Gifts

'Never, ever give the benefit of doubt to a Brussells sprout.'

"Jeffrey eats everything, Mom, because no one has told him what he doesn't like."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Too much cilantro

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

To do before Saturday...

The Main Types of Cheese

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Is this still America?'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Holiday Supplies

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Cheese

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'