Gadget Gourmet Gifts

"Dinner's ready."

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

Gross! Get you external hard drive off the dinner table!

A hunter shoots a drone

Waiter, there's a wireless earbud phone in my soup.

... and fermentation is computer-controlled by a piquant little microchip from the southern slopes of Silicon Valley.

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

"Judging by the noises your stomach is making, this app can suggest which restaurant to go to, and what and how much to order."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"I come here for the pepper."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Is this still America?'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"