Gourmet Techie Gifts

Pizza delievery throught the internet

'Combination 3.0 dinner is also available in an upgraded version 3.1.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"I come here for the pepper."

Too much cilantro

The Main Types of Cheese

To do before Saturday...

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Cheese

Holiday Supplies

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Is this still America?'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Cooking'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."