Injury Avoiders Gifts

'Watch out, you'll get tennis elbow.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

'We don't want to risk having any injuries during spring training.'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'Here are the safety manuals you wanted'

"Just badly sprained thank goodness... I was so scared it might be broken..."

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

The Candy Shop. Anytime I eat candy it immediately goes to my mid-section. No time to waist!

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"

'Your back went out because your front went out.'

'Tape it up real tight, Floyd ... and the other ankle too.'

Man who hits finger and screams for help has his mouth bound up instead of his finger by unsympathetic wife.

'Will you watch where you're going with that thing?'

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

The Sedentary Dead.

I think I pulled something.

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

Big bumpers.

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

D.I.Y ladder

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

"Okay, we've put on our exercise clothes. Now what?"