Incarceration Commentator Gifts

"The governor is considering your petition. He has one question: did you vote for him the last election?"

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

Stop and Birch

'Cartoonist thinking'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Tree of Public Opinion.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Inactivists"

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"This is gonna be great!"

"Actually, we will replace you."

The United States of Amazement

Chess on TV

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

Sportscasters on the Savannah

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penality for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time?

Trump Liberty

Americans have been in denial about the cause of mass shootings for a while but it's time to get serious about door control.

Voice of the GOP

"The video of our wedding now includes commentary."

'He's called that, because he keeps getting licked.'