Impromptu Performer Gifts

"God, I'll be glad when his genius grant runs out"

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"Am I sensing fear?"

'I'm re-enacting a battle with my conscience.'

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

Mime father in the delivery room.

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

'Well, I suppose it makes a change from powerpoint presentations...'

"When you tell your Father how you're dropping out of college to be a renaissance faire entertainer, the least you could do is break character."

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

"Relax, Marge! I'm sure the folks at 'Ultimate Pirate Adventures'. . ."

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

'People say I don't listen to other's opinions. That's not true, is it Binky?'

"Pulled chicken? You don't want to know."

"Try some improv, they said. The king will it, they said!"

"That's not a mistake, that's jazz."

"He sings for charity. He has to. Nobody offers to pay him."

"Now is the part of the show when we ask the audience to shout out some random numbers."

Street violinists unknowingly plays a concert.

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

'Is there an elvis in the building?!'

"No air guitar"

"You're a fool, Carl - a fool and an idiot."

'My previous school only had a single-decker walking bus.'

Open Mic Night

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

'I couldn't find real fruit for your still life painting, so we'll just use these fruit roll-ups.'

"I'm speaking with you this evening without the benefit of speech-writers or teleprompters. Thank you and good night."