Immature Jokester Pillows

"So tell me about your last poop."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

"Someone has hacked into our Computer."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

The Devil making snow angels.

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'Okay, okay! You can have a lick of my sucker.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"Well, you can tell that David Silva that I said you definitely don't have cooties, Carolyn."

'Tender and Juicy.'

'It certainly sounds like a fantastic offer, but I'm not supposed to answer the phone.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

'I'd like an older brother, please.'

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

"Wanna join my hangouts circle?"

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

"An olive or a twist?"