Immature Humorist Pillows

The Devil making snow angels.

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"He's an indoor cat."

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

Canoeing Incorrectly

"So tell me about your last poop."

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

'You can't come in to play unless you wear cushions on your feet - My Dad's got a headache!'

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."

popcorn...

"I'm not sure if that's William Shatner or Deadpool without his mask."

"Good morning, world!"

"I hope you love kids - there goes your boss."

'Davey can't come out! He's got the weasles!'

"It just started as a list of his faults, and just evolved into a horror novel."

"Morning! Are the fish biting?"