Coming-of-age Humorist Pillows

Teenaged boy: -Too old to be a teddy bear. -Too young to be a wolf.

"Why bother?"

Middle-Age Superheroes

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

The Devil making snow angels.

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

Annuals, Perennials, Centennials, Millennials

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

"Relax kid, you're going to be for awhile."

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

Old Darth Vader