Ageing Humorist Pillows

'Wow! We all got fat and bald!!!'

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Birthday To-Do List

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

'I don't know which will come first.. retirement or draft?'

"I'm sorry, but he only has 75 years to live!"

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"It's the Florida kid."

Rodin's Generation Gap

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"I'm starting to look old."

Old Darth Vader

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'