Humorist On Aging Pillows

"You have a beautiful smile. It would look great in a glass of water next to my bed."

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"It's the Florida kid."

Old Darth Vader

Jell-O: A Life.

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)

"Kick me"